Went back to my primary school last week as a temporary teacher, from Thursday until today. I taught English to the whole Year 4 kids and 2 classes of the Year 5.

For so many days, today (also my last day) is the first time i wave a cane to their butts. I regretted having to cane them on my last day there.

Back in the old days the canes were flung at our palm and sometimes it hurts to write,

therefore, i decided to go for the butt instead.

With 2 layers of clothing, some might have 3, however hard i might accidentally go, they're at least protected.

The first kid, making noise in the class, disturbing the order, and trust me, when i say making noise, i mean REAL NOISE, at least thrice i've warned him about the cane.

The second, stucking his head into the handle of his trolley bag and trying to lift and swing the bag when i was writing on the board. What happens if he injured his neck or the handle snap and the books-loaded bag smack into someone else?

For that reason, i caned him.

The third, for stealing a classmate's book and refusing to admit it even when i questioned him about it. When i found the book in his desk, he said he just borrowed it to read about the content.

For stealing, i caned his palm, once, and he cried.

The fourth to number xx (forgive me because i did not count how many are there, its 5 or 6 it think), i stood outside of their class and observe them before going inside. They were shooting paper made projectile with rubber bands against each other while running around the class to evade it.

I've seen the destructive power of such 'toys'. It could easily cause bruises and what if it so happens that it shot someone in the eye? If they were the ones being shot at, I'll clap my hands, but what if their classmates were the unlucky ones?

As i enter the class, the monitor complained to me and as they were summoned to the front, neither admitted and tried to get away with it. For that, i caned them twice on their butt. 2 of them, guys, cried.

Why?

I guess its because they've never been caned at the butt in front of girls but theres something else that i think might be the reason.

The last kid, sling shot the paper made projectiles with rubber bands attached to his trolley bag handle (that is some serious fire power compared to those shot from bands attached to the fingers) while the class is still going on. Someone complained to me without mentioning names (even is he does, i wouldn't know who anyway) so i just called out whoever shot this, come out on your own and he stepped up.

For his honesty and the courage to admit it, i caned him at his butt once, slightly softer though.

After that, it got me thinking. Why did they cried? Boys at this age would want to act tough and not to drop any tears especially when there's girls around (trust me, I've been there).

Perhaps i was too harsh on them?

But no, i had not caned anyone for the sheer fun of caning. There has always been reason on why i caned and i made sure the whole class know the reason behind it, or at least, those that were caned do. If they don't, i'd explained.

So why do some cried?

It brought me to some real bad thoughts.

MAYBE,

I caned too hard and it was so pain for some to bear that they cried.

MAYBE,

my cane was off targets and accidentally hit the wrong place like the joints in fingers and not the palm, i did not hit his butt but at the part that is above or right below the butt? That could be very painful even with controlled strength.

What if the controlled strength of mine that i claim to be tender is GODLIKE strength to their tiny body even with a couple layers of clothing and i accidentally injured them?

Perhaps teaching is not meant to fit me?

Perhaps i should never have yielded the cane in the first place? As a matter of fact, i told them to enjoy studying and not being brain-dead while learning.

Perhaps after today, i wouldn't use a cane ever again even if i were to go back and teach.

Perhaps...

Take a look at Justin Bieber. How old is he and how old are you and how old am I? He is turning 17 this year and look at his achievement, look at his savings. And then, look back at yourself. Compare.

Look at Avril Romana Lavigne. By the age of 15 she had already appeared on the stage with Shania Twain. Got herself a recording contract when she was 16, together with 2-album deal worth more than $2 MILLIONS, and look back at yourself and compare.

Bored of celebs? How about Mark Zuckerberg? He created the Facebook along with a few of his friends when he was 20. Look back at you. What do you have when you were 20?

Not a fan of Facebook? Fine, how about Steve Jobs? He is the co-founder of Apple Inc. and how old is he when he founded it? Hmmmm, 21 years old.

Microsoft was founded in 1975, and the founder is none other than Bill Gates. Bill Gates was born in 1955. So, do the maths. He was just 20 when he founded Microsoft.

These stuffs came to me one day and i looked at myself and i ask : What are you good at? What do you have? What can you achieve?

i have no idea what am i good at, i don't have any company and i don't know what i can achieve. But there is one thing that i'm sure. I don't have much time left to make it. We can have time as long as 10 decades to roam this Earth and make an effort to leave something behind after we're 6 feet under the ground and i have already used 2 out of the 10 decades.

The annoying tone started again and he had no choice but to open open his eyes.

At the very moment he opened his eyes, he saw his fiancee beside him, looking at him. He replied it with a smile and a kiss to her cheek.

Rushing to the toilet and get himself ready to work, he told her to get his tie ready but until he is done, she is still on the bed. He couldn't help it but this is just the way she is.

In the kitchen, he prepared a breakfast for two and took it up to the bed side for her.

8.37, 8 more minutes until its time. He gave her a big kiss to her lips before going back into the kitchen and clean up the plates. 8.44, he got on to his bicycle and head off to work.

In the office, he turned down a movie invitation, a bachelor party and a clubbing invitation from 3 different colleague with 1 excuse : I have a candle light dinner with my fiancee and a movie in our home theatre. Maybe next time.

Reaching home at 7.56 after stopping for steak, fries and the dvd shop, he head off to the kitchen.

1 hour long he cooked, served hot from the pan he asked her to come and eat but all he got was total neglect.

The stress from work finally erupt and he rose his voice. Looking at her silent treatment, he got angry and finished both the steak and lock himself in the theatre room with some action-packed movie. Still, the love story she told him she wanted to watch since the last month is still kept in the seal, waiting to watch with her when the war is over.

11.55, the door opened and he walked out. She is still in the bed, in her white shirt, not speaking a word. Him, with watery eyes, hugged her and tears started to flow.

From the sobs, only a few words are audible:

......don't go.......sorry............love you.........talk to me........

She has been on the bed for 3 days, never a second had she left the bed.

Tick tock tick tock

Time goes by so slowly yet so fast. When was it when i last posted? hmmm..lets see. Oh I remember! It was Christmas, and now its 11th day of Chinese New Year, and 1 day before another lonely Valentine *sigh*

Enough pitying myself already cause life must go on and so i shall.

Escaped going back to my dad's side of the family and i got a few angpau from there although i wasn't there but who won't accept free money eh?

Now what is the plan for tomorrow?

Go get a date?

Nope.

Go get drunk?

Impossible! I need to drive back after that.

Go crying into the pillow for the reason that nobody wants to be my date?

Nah~ I'm way past that point already.

Then what?

Live on like another normal day. Although i'll definitely miss someone along the day but who cares? I do no harm missing her (making her sneeze a few times wouldn't harm). Though she might not know it is her i'm missing but still i do hope you prepared enough tissue paper tomorrow if you read this and you think you might be the one =)

Happy Valentine Day everyone!

Feel free to take a choc from here XD

Have a break, have a Rocher

Ps: Happy Birthday Karmun (Happy Belated Birthday if you read this few days/weeks/months later)