Went back to my primary school last week as a temporary teacher, from Thursday until today. I taught English to the whole Year 4 kids and 2 classes of the Year 5.

For so many days, today (also my last day) is the first time i wave a cane to their butts. I regretted having to cane them on my last day there.

Back in the old days the canes were flung at our palm and sometimes it hurts to write,

therefore, i decided to go for the butt instead.

With 2 layers of clothing, some might have 3, however hard i might accidentally go, they're at least protected.

The first kid, making noise in the class, disturbing the order, and trust me, when i say making noise, i mean REAL NOISE, at least thrice i've warned him about the cane.

The second, stucking his head into the handle of his trolley bag and trying to lift and swing the bag when i was writing on the board. What happens if he injured his neck or the handle snap and the books-loaded bag smack into someone else?

For that reason, i caned him.

The third, for stealing a classmate's book and refusing to admit it even when i questioned him about it. When i found the book in his desk, he said he just borrowed it to read about the content.

For stealing, i caned his palm, once, and he cried.

The fourth to number xx (forgive me because i did not count how many are there, its 5 or 6 it think), i stood outside of their class and observe them before going inside. They were shooting paper made projectile with rubber bands against each other while running around the class to evade it.

I've seen the destructive power of such 'toys'. It could easily cause bruises and what if it so happens that it shot someone in the eye? If they were the ones being shot at, I'll clap my hands, but what if their classmates were the unlucky ones?

As i enter the class, the monitor complained to me and as they were summoned to the front, neither admitted and tried to get away with it. For that, i caned them twice on their butt. 2 of them, guys, cried.

Why?

I guess its because they've never been caned at the butt in front of girls but theres something else that i think might be the reason.

The last kid, sling shot the paper made projectiles with rubber bands attached to his trolley bag handle (that is some serious fire power compared to those shot from bands attached to the fingers) while the class is still going on. Someone complained to me without mentioning names (even is he does, i wouldn't know who anyway) so i just called out whoever shot this, come out on your own and he stepped up.

For his honesty and the courage to admit it, i caned him at his butt once, slightly softer though.

After that, it got me thinking. Why did they cried? Boys at this age would want to act tough and not to drop any tears especially when there's girls around (trust me, I've been there).

Perhaps i was too harsh on them?

But no, i had not caned anyone for the sheer fun of caning. There has always been reason on why i caned and i made sure the whole class know the reason behind it, or at least, those that were caned do. If they don't, i'd explained.

So why do some cried?

It brought me to some real bad thoughts.

MAYBE,

I caned too hard and it was so pain for some to bear that they cried.

MAYBE,

my cane was off targets and accidentally hit the wrong place like the joints in fingers and not the palm, i did not hit his butt but at the part that is above or right below the butt? That could be very painful even with controlled strength.

What if the controlled strength of mine that i claim to be tender is GODLIKE strength to their tiny body even with a couple layers of clothing and i accidentally injured them?

Perhaps teaching is not meant to fit me?

Perhaps i should never have yielded the cane in the first place? As a matter of fact, i told them to enjoy studying and not being brain-dead while learning.

Perhaps after today, i wouldn't use a cane ever again even if i were to go back and teach.

Perhaps...